freedom

I quit a few of my jobs today.

For almost a year now, I've been babysitting to add a little cash flow.  At first it was great - the kiddos I watched were so entertaining and it was great for little e to have a playmate.  Just a couple hours each day and a few extra dollars to help pay our house off a bit faster.  The perfect set up.

But since October, I've been watching three different children.  Sometimes it was okay but sometimes I felt like I was on the edge of a breakdown.  I just wanted to have a bit of time for myself.  I'm sure my pregnancy, the winter, and little e's growing up all played a part in the change of how I felt.  It just wasn't something great anymore, but felt more like a burden - something that I sort of dreaded.

Last night I went to our RS activity and one of the speakers said, "Get rid of everything negative in your life."  Immediately I thought, oh my goodness, that's babysitting.  I'd been going back and forth for a while, but last night it was so clear.  I need to let that part of my life go, so I can be more emotionally, physically, and spiritually balanced.  I want to be a better mom and really focus on loving my e girl.  I want to give her all of me, not a distracted, exhausted, frustrated me.

So this morning I did it.  I let each of the parents know that this was my two weeks notice.  It was hard, because I love them all so much and I want to help them out, but I can already tell a difference.  I know my sweet girl will miss her friends, but maybe now I can make some friends :)  

It feels so good to know my life is my own again!  Looking forward to some extra special moments with my baby.